Repenting (WARNING: very long!)

I feel like lately I'm using this blog to blow steam off,  get things off my chest and otherwise dump.
Well, things aren't as bad as it sounds when you only read the blog and aren't here to experience it.  In fact,  I have been contemplating the 1-year report I need to write about the girls to send to the Ukrainian Embassy and I'm sometimes shocked at how much the girls have improved.  In fact,  I'm going to list some examples here.  (I'll then use this later to help me write said report--- he he he, busy moms like to kill two birds with one stone whenever we can).

1- Ryah is now talking, using *mostly* complete sentences and, in the last week or so, has even been known to string a thought over 2 sentences.  Sometimes it is still hard to understand her, but I'll take confusing talking over no talking any day of the week.
2- Ryah can write her name and is learning her ABC's.  She can recognise a small handful of them (R, y, a, h being the favorites :)  ).  She still doesn't connect sounds with the letters but is grasping that they have significance.
3- Ryah is learning that there are consequences to actions and is modifying her behavior accordingly.  Time outs are shorter and less dramatic or destructive. 
4- Though at night time she still wears a pull-up, Ryah's daytime accidents are definately less frequent.  School has been hard on this aspect.  For some reason she doesn't like to go to the bathroom at school (or forgets, or doesn't want to miss the action or whatever) and there were LOTS of accidents on the bus (granted it is a long LONG bus ride, but don't get me started on that).  Those have all but stopped and accidents at home only happen when she puts herself in time-out and just doesn't care.
4- Of the three Anastasia has improved the least drastically.  But that is only because she was so even tempered to begin with.  That said, there are so much less times that we have to physically carry her out to the car because she won't come (for some reason her loss of control is often times associated with the car, either going, or not going).  She is very verbal and can express her feelings quite eloquently *with a Ukrainian accent*.   I remember in Ukraine we took them to get their passport pictures taken, I could have sworn she was a devil child.  Keith went in with our translator (Keith to sign, Kostya to translate) and left me with 4 of the 5 kids in a boring hall with 2 lines of people also waiting to get their pictures taken.  She tried everything in her power to wreak havoc: yelling, running, pushing people she didn't know, going in doors, banging on walls, getting Ryah crying, knocking Elijah over, pulling hair.  You name it she did it.  You could tell she was just doing it to get some jabs in.  Longest hour and fifteen minutes of my life.  I actually was grateful that an older lady standing in line finally got fed up with it and got after her (at least I'm assuming she got after her) and Anastasia melted into a pile full of tears.  I finally got a breather.  But I look back on that experience and doubt fills my mind that that was really Anastasia.  Though she can throw one doosy of a fit, she hasn't done anything quite like that since.  She is my tenderhearted, compassionate one.
But I digress. 
5- Anastasia is right on track in school doing first grade work.  She loves it and hates when saturdays come around.  Her teacher begged us not to send her to the ELL (English Language Learner) program because she thought she didn't need it.
6- Alina has started taking on more responsibilty for her actions.  Where she used to go weeks and weeks without finishing her chore (in our house if you don't finish each day you don't move on to a new chore at the beginning of the next week *you need more practice, right?*)  She rarely doesn't move on.  It still takes her all the time alotted plus some to finish (especially clothes), but at least she finishes.
7- Alina has next to no Ukrainian accent.  This can also be considered a negative but right now it is a good thing.  They (whoever THEY are) say that the "hurt child" needs to *give up*  or let go of their old life to be able to progress and move on.  We believe that this is the very reason that Kristina still has a very thick accent.
8-Lying and stealing have also decreased, though this is less easily measured.  Maybe she has just gotten better at it?  Still very much a sore spot.
9- Alina has finally accepted that she HAS to do that homework.  It still takes 12 hours when it should only take one or two (trust me, that is no exaggeration).  For the most part, if we stay relatively hands off and just use gentle guiding, she will stick with it and not melt into tears... too much.
10-Kristina has, for the most part, stopped mothering Elijah.  We sorta took away the need for her to be a mother to the other girls so, like a magnifying glass she focused all that onto Elijah.  Now, through a myriad of reasons (the biggest of which is Elijah doesn't put up with much of it any more) she only does it once in a while.  While those *instincts* are desirable, children who had to be the mother (and she did, in so many ways, at such a young age, for such a long time) need to go back and learn to be a kid again before they can grow up.  This will be a long journey, a very long journey but it has begun.
11- Kristina is making some headway on regulating her feelings.  For instance, the other day she got into trouble (I can't remember why, right now) and she threw her usual fit, said all the mean things she could think of ("you guys are awful," "I don't want to live here anymore!" "I want to go home to Ukraine!" "You make us do CHORES!" "My California family was lots nicer!") then went into her room and slammed the door.  In the past, at this point she would have come back out with her bags all packed and hollering that she would go stay with ___________ (whatever friend she could think of) because she would be happier there.  All the while hitting or kicking anyone who got near her.  But this time she only took about 10 minutes and came out with her sewing machine wanting help to get it going (as if nothing ever happened :) -- see previous post).  AND *this is the big part*  she allowed me to touch her and reaffirm to her that we wanted her in our family and that we loved her.  She really is letting go, slowly, yes, but letting go nonetheless.
12- Kristina is starting to accept our place as the heads of the family.  Though she still argues to the death when she starts to argue (even when she knows she is wrong), we have noticed there are times when she chooses not to argue and will just back off.  Big improvement!!
13- Church is so much more pleasant than it used to be.  Because we laid down the rules (at least I like to believe it was soemthing we did LOL) they will now sit still for most of Sacrament meeting with minimal annoying of each other (and us, and the people in front of, behind or next to us).  They all open hymnbooks and (at least try to) sing along.  Some of them will even pipe up with something they learned in Sacrament when we go around in the car on the way home.  And more importantly they have a strong desire for things of God.  They (most of the time) will bring their scriptures, sing bits and pieces of primary songs they remember, and they have no qualms about praying or giving a talk in primary.  Kristina and Alina (after much pleading on their part and me sitting with them to figure out exactly what they wanted to say) even got up in Sacrament meeting and bore their testimonies.  We have been blessed this way to not have them fight against learning the things of God.
14-  They won't stop growing.  None of them have shirts that don't show too much belly when they raise their arms.  I'm having a really hard time keeping them in clothes that fit.  Get a little nutrition down them and they shoot up.  I know it doesn't sound like I believe it, but it really is a good thing!
15- This isn't so much about them as it is about Keith and I.  Or maybe mostly me.  We are really seeing the fruit of our labors (and it has been labor sometimes LOL) with figuring out when to push and when to not, what things work and what things don't, what behaviors to come down one, what ones to let slide.  While we also still have a long way to go, these successes allow us to open up that much more and let them get closer to us as well.  Because you know that is also a two way street.  You can't just give and give and give forever, you need to have some *rewards* or it becomes impossible to push on.
While this whole adoption experience has proven to be extremely difficult, it is also been very rewarding.  We know we were led (every step of the way, if you haven't heard our story, just ask, but make sure you have a couple hours to kill) to the girls, that Heavenly Father planned for them to be in our family.  We really are grateful to be a part of all that.  We can't imagine life without them.  We love them so much!
We are also grateful to all of you who have supported us (even though you may have thought us crazy).  It does take the proverbial village to raise a family and ours is no exeption.

And because you made it all the way to the end of this post, I was going to reward you with some pictures.  However, a quick look at the gallery revealed that we need to fire our photographer and hire a new one.  I'll post a couple of what we do have.

Jonas, in an effort to channel the nervous energy indicative of kids the school-free week before Christmas, built this Santa Claus out of legos.  It really looks like the jolley red man.  I told him President's day was coming up and I was expecting a likness of Abraham Lincoln.  I was then promptly told that I needed to go out and buy more black legos.

This is from our resident photographer in training, Elijah.  Something about this grabs me.  :)   A rare occasion when Alina actually has her glasses ON and they are actually clean enough to see through.  :)

Hopefully, by next post the school play, selling girl scout cookies and sickness will all be over so the photographer can try to make amends and win her position back.