Circular thinking

This has been on my mind a lot lately.
Do I love my children equally? Well, I can honestly say yes. I believe I do.
But do I treat my children equally??
Besides the fact that "equally" is an ethereal term, subjective and hard to prove, I'm not sure I do. It is getting so that it all gets muddled in my mind. Did I spend as much one-on-one time reading books with Ryah as I did Elijah? Did I chose on the side of Alina more than Anastasia in disagreements? Was I more lenient checking Jonas' chore than Kristina's? Does Alina get to sit by me more times at church than the others? Do we go to Caleb's Court of Honor or Ryah's "Reading with the Teacher," when they are at the same time?
I know Jonas doesn't get the listening time the others do just because he isn't as loud and "in your face" about what he is saying.
Then there is the fact that I don't yet dare tell the girls the code to the front door. They've given our phone number out to strangers, how can I be sure that they won't give our house code? The older 3 have known it forever.
I could make myself crazy following these lines of thinking. There doesn't seem to be any end, any logical way to decide.
Am I going to scar my children for life?